I still won’t love my body

body

You tell me I’m sexy and ask me to stand up so that you can take in my naked body

inch by inch

for what it is

reluctance

arms crossed over my chest

every inch of my skin being exposed to fresh air

fresh eyes

insides crawl

fear of your thoughts

fear you will see my body the way I see my body

fear I might disgust you

fear you will laugh at what my body has to offer

I know how I see myself and you might see me that way too

 

Your eyes begin taking in each part of my body

stomach exposed

stretch marks zig-zagging my back

you hold my hips and I wonder if there’s too much to hold

my waist might not be narrow enough

 

Your eyes sweep over my thighs and calves

I crave to be wearing pants

clothe my insecurity

too-curvy legs

my thighs

God, don’t look at my thighs

I think of when you grip my legs

 

I feel you looking

I feel my hours spent looking in the mirror

carefully taking inventory of flaws

I have a list, do you want to see?

 

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